Two inmates recently busted out of the Newport News, Virginia jail using homemade tools constructed of a toothbrush and a piece of metal by identifying a construction defect and burrowing out of their cell. While this sounds like a fairly intelligent plan for escape, the two crooks showed why they were incarcerated in the first place by being arrested hours later, just a couple of miles away having breakfast at the local IHOP.
So much for their genius plan. Instead of heading for Mexico, or at the very least beating it out of Newport News, the hungry duo decided to stop for some quick brunch before riding the rails, or whatever escaped crooks do. The Police Tribune has the details:
Two Virginia jail inmates were arrested at an IHOP restaurant early Tuesday morning after they managed to escape from the correctional facility by chiseling their way through the wall of their cell.
The Newport News Sheriff’s Office (NNSO) said detention center personnel were conducting a routine headcount at the Newport News Jail Annex at approximately 7:15 p.m. on March 20 when they realized two inmates were missing, WVEC reported.
The escaped inmates were identified as 37-year-old John Michael Garza and 43-year-old Arley Vaughn Nemo.
Arley and John Michael, as I assumed they are called got a taste of sweet freedom, then apparently a smell of what was coming from the IHOP. Who could blame them? Nothing is better after a night of hard work that some sausage and a stack of silver dollar flappies.
World's dumbest criminals tunnel out of jail, only to be caught having breakfast at IHOP https://t.co/k2AJOsw0zo
— Dwight Brocious (@brocious_dwight) March 25, 2023
That is, until the cops grab you back up, because as anyone that has ever been at a Waffle House, IHOP or similar can attest to, cops like to have breakfast too. The Police Tribune continued:
NNSO officials searched the facility and discovered the two men had “tunneled through a cell wall leading to the exterior and proceeded to scale the security wall,” according to WVEC.
Investigators said they believe Nemo and Garza exploited “a construction design weakness” in the building by utilizing “primitive-made tools” constructed from “a toothbrush and a metal object” to chisel their way through the brick wall, WRC reported.
“Those tools facilitated their access to untied rebars between the walls,” the NNSO said.
Deputies tracked the two escaped inmates down at an IHOP restaurant in nearby Hampton at approximately 4:20 a.m. on March 21, WRC reported.
Almost everyone in an IHOP at 4:20 in the morning that isn’t wearing an IHOP uniform is suspicious looking. Even some of the folks in uniform are suspicious looking.
Small wonder that some good samaritan looked up from his “Rookie Tooty, Fresh and Fruity” and noticed two sketchy looking fellas that likely were wearing jail attire. Generally a dead giveaway. One phone call later and the boys where whisked back to the jail, likely without even leaving a tip or paying the bill! The Police Tribune concluded:
Hampton is located approximately six-and-one-half miles away from the Newport News Jail, according to WRC.
It would take just over two hours for the average person to cover the distance on foot.
Nemo had been incarcerated at the jail since Oct. 7, 2022 on charges of credit card larceny, credit card fraud, possession of burglary tools, forgery, contempt of court, grand larceny, and probation violation, WRC reported.
Garza had been in jail since Dec. 19, 2022 on charges of probation violation, contempt of court, and failure to appear.
It is unclear what additional charges they may face as a result of their escape.
The two dumb crooks were locked up previously on non-violent, mostly white collar crimes. Maybe they were just tired of the food at the jail? Pretty risky busting out just for some pancakes, but it IS an International House of Pancakes, so at least they went big during their field trip.
No additional charges have been announced, but you can bet the guards will be keeping a close eye on the slippery duo, and maybe a new cell is in order as well.
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